Who’s Leading Who? Why Leadership Is the Missing Link in Your Dog’s Behaviour
- Karolina Mockaityte
- 6 days ago
- 3 min read
Updated: 3 days ago
Most dog owners don’t think they have a leadership problem.
They think they have a pulling problem... or a barking problem... or a jealousy problem. But under nearly every behavioural issue I see, the root is the same:
The dog doesn’t feel like anyone’s clearly in charge.
That’s not because the owner is bad or lazy. It’s usually the opposite—they’re loving, devoted, and trying everything. But without clear leadership, even the most well-meaning dog can become anxious, reactive, or hard to live with.
🐶 Dogs Don’t Crave Power—They Crave Clarity
Here’s the first thing I teach every client:
Your dog isn’t trying to dominate you. They’re trying to feel safe.
Dogs are pack animals. That means they’re biologically wired to look for hierarchy, structure, and leadership.
In a pack:
Someone decides where to go.
Someone creates space and sets boundaries.
Everyone else follows calmly—because the leader is calm.
When a dog lives in a human home without clear leadership, they don’t relax. They start making their own decisions:
Barking at the window = “I’ll decide who comes in or out.”
Pulling on the lead = “I choose the direction and pace.”
Growling near food or space = “This is mine. Back off.”
Ignoring commands = “I don’t see you as someone to follow.”
That’s not misbehaviour. That’s leadership confusion.
😬 But Isn’t Leadership Just Dominance?
No—and this is where so many people go wrong.
You might have heard trainers say things like:
“Show him who’s boss!”
“Alpha roll him!”
“Don’t let him win or he’ll take over!”
That’s outdated, fear-based thinking—and it creates more stress than it solves.
True leadership has nothing to do with force or fear. It’s not about being aggressive—it’s about being calm, clear, and consistent.
🧘♀️ What Leadership Really Looks Like
Your dog waits calmly at the door until invited out.
They walk beside you, not dragging you through the street.
They respond to boundaries and settle quickly after stimulation.
They look to you in new situations instead of reacting first.
And perhaps most importantly: They feel relieved. Because now they know—you’ve got it handled.
💡 You Don’t Need to Be Harsh—You Need to Be Sure
Many of my clients are gentle, thoughtful people who say:
“I don’t want to be mean to my dog.”“ I feel guilty setting rules.” “I just want them to be happy.”
And here’s what I always tell them:
Your dog’s happiness depends on your clarity. Structure doesn’t make dogs sad—it makes them feel safe.
✅ How to Start Leading Today
You don’t need a boot camp or a harsh correction tool. You can start becoming a leader with small changes like:
Walking out the door first
Asking for calm behaviour before food or attention
Rewarding relaxed energy, not demand
Practising calm indoor leash walks where your dog follows your lead
Teaching a “place” command as their off-switch zone
Leadership isn’t something you do once—it’s something you become. And once your dog sees you that way, everything else gets easier.
🎓 Want to Learn More?
If you're struggling with pulling, barking, ignoring, or constant overexcitement—leadership may be the piece you’ve been missing.
I’ve created a full course to help dog owners just like you:👉 Explore the Calm Leadership Course
It’s packed with step-by-step training, emotional guidance, and real-world solutions. No dominance. No shouting. Just a new way forward—for both of you.
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